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| Now I've always complained about my family stuff, like how crazy it is at home. But I think if it wasn't so crazy, I wouldn't feel at home.
I've been to the un-crazies houses before. Very peaceful, but dull. And you can bet there are no interesting pursuits or creative pursuits going on there. LEMME TELL YOUSE
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| Everything I own feels like a burden on me. I want to throw it all away even though there may be stuff I need in the future or right now. None of it feels like mine. I have no sense of ownership. I hate living in this house that's not a home. I hate having so much trouble getting myself to write. I hate feeling burdened by absolutely everything. I hate not having brighter days. I hate homework, I hate tasks, and responsibilities and everything else. And yet I'm sure this would not be as a big a problem as it is if I wasn't living here. She's like poison and it seeps all over the house and comes out in everything she does. I hate her most of all. I don't even like her let alone love her. Not really anyway.
But I'm stuck suffering until I can figure something out. I don't have my dreams anymore, they all seemed to die as well. Or maybe they're repressed. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I don't like all these changes because I have nothing to hold on to, nothing to get hope out of.
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| So my red pepper allergy is bothering me. Probably shouldn't have had a second helping today of the curry, but at least I didn't have a third.
I'm going to do things with my life. Firstly, I've got to learn what to do, what myself wants, and what would be best for the time being. Right now, I want to make amigurumi, fix up my room, and make clothes as well.
I met an old man in my dreams last night/morning. He told me I don't have to be what I was in the past. I understood half of what he meant but... I'm not sure what it is that I was in the past. But, I was told this during a part in a dream where I was running to return a lost iphone. Running away from a woman that wanted to return it herself. I thought she wanted to steal so...
But in the end, I lost the iphone, and didn't try hard to go looking for it. What is it that I can stop doing? Caring about people I did in the past? Being dependent on their good will? I'm not so sure...
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| What happened in December was not my first accident. To date, that was about my 5th or 6th life threatening incident. I've been in a car accident before (very young, blacked out) and blacked out another time when I was run over by a bike. Yeah.
So I got physical therapy and adjusted and I have to go back. There's more to it, but that's not important (for you to know). I'm fine, and leave me be. Please note that does not translate into a) Pestering me with "R U OK???" messages or b) Asking me inane questions or for uncompensated help with your life problems.
Thanks and leave me alone. I'll call you.
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| I would prefer your empathy, but I know that's improbable. Most posts bring unsolicited advice. My problems are not SO similar to yours. Iceberg tips, judging on iceberg tips my friend.
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